Graduation, closing, coping

So it finally happened. The big "G" word. I think the mood of this post, the title of which is based on the infamous email back in February from our dear Provost, Jim O'Donnell (a.k.a. Fr. Boroughs' twin) concerning Snowmageddon, will closely mimic the misery and anguish of Provost O'Donnell's email. Senior Week and Commencement Weekend brought about a mix of emotions that, to be honest, I'm not sure I have fully reconciled yet. To have to come to terms with the fact that the Hilltop is never going to ring with the laughter of my best friends all together for an extended period of time has not been easy. I was talking to Dr. Porterfield on Sunday, and he made the excellent point that it is almost harder to stay here than to leave, because when you stay, all of the people who make Georgetown Georgetown for you (at least in terms of students) leave, and you are left with a place that you may not fully recognize in their absence. I have found this quote, over the past few days, to be extremely resonant, because each goodbye, whether with a best friend from freshman year or a friend who I had just had the pleasure to meet this semester, is difficult for me. I feel a much deeper sense of love for my college friends than I ever could have for my high school, and even childhood, friends.

On Senior Retreat, which I attended at the start of Senior Week, my friend Matt gave a speech. One part of his speech in particular really caught my attention. He said that everyone tells you that your four years in college are the best four years of your life. Since Senior Week is supposed to be the culmination of that college experience, then Senior Week must be the best week of your life. I honestly couldn't agree more! Senior Week, for me, meant unadulterated time with friends, uninterrupted by school and work commitments. We just got to enjoy being together and soaking everything in, enjoying all of the "lasts." Of course, the week was the most alcohol-heavy and sleep-light week of my life thus far, and I don't think I could have taken a day more. But you know what? I'm not sorry I partied!

Senior Retreat was the perfect way to kick off Senior Week. As a product of the therapy system, I consider self-reflection to be an integral part of one's life, so retreats are a perfect, nonclinical setting for that type of introspective thought. While there was a Catholic undertone to the retreat, what really meant the most to me was to be able to reflect, in both small and large group settings, on the past four years, and to muse about where we hope to be in the future. To any of you who know me, even in the smallest of capacities, my love for Georgetown is abounding (honestly, "abounding" is an understatement), and to be able to verbalize just what Georgetown has meant to me was wonderful. I have always known I loved Georgetown, but I had never had the opportunity to vocalize it to that extent, and to a captive audience of people in the same walk of life. When we weren't busy reflecting, I enjoyed the opportunity to meet new people and catch up with old friends. I really couldn't have asked for a better start to Senior Week.

On Sunday, we had a Reggae/Keg party outside of McDonough. Lots of drinking and dancing. That's all. On Monday night, we had our last round of Tombs Trivia. Our enormous (some would say unfairly so- 26 people!) team took home our fifth win of the year, a feat that I doubt has been accomplished by many teams. We're just that awesome, and I will miss my Trivia friends dearly. We decided to have a little fiesta for our team afterward, which turned into a drunken shitshow...well, maybe that was just for me. After I got sick, the few friends who were unfortunately still there to witness this decided that I should stay on Cal and John's couch. I woke up (in the morning feeling like P Diddy- had to add that little inside joke for Kate!) still drunk the next morning at 7:30, completely by chance, which was the only reason why I made it to my 8:30 physical therapy appointment. That was a miserable appointment. My physical therapist could obviously tell that I was drunk, and I didn't realize this until my next appointment on Thursday, but I apparently told him that I REALLY like blueberry mojitos. Oh dear, TMI Kristen...

On Tuesday night, we celebrated Kate's bachelorette party with a yummy Moroccan dinner at Marrakesh and drinks at the ohsoswanky 18th St. Lounge. It was nice to be able to devote a night to Kate and fête her upcoming nuptials (June 12th!!!). It was such a departure from something we would normally do on a Tuesday night (if I go out at all on a Tuesday, it is obviously to Tombs), so it was nice to be able to try something a little bit different. On Wednesday, we had the Senior Picnic at this huge farm in Maryland. The unseasonably chilly day was tolerable because of delicious down-home cooking, drinks, hayrides, games and LOTS of square dancing (claro, because Molly was there!). On Wednesday night, we celebrated Allie's early birthday (since it was unfortunately on the same day as graduation), and then I went to the 99 Days Party at FScott's. It was a lovely celebration of the sheer madness of 94 people who decided to sign their lives away to Tombs on February 13th, and it was nice to be a part of the exclusive little party.

On Thursday morning, I meandered over to the JesRes to meet up with my dad, who, as an alum, was robed and was a part of the alumni procession for Convocation. We took a few pictures (one of them ended up on the Commencement blog!):
http://commencement2010.georgetown.edu/2010/05/moms-and-dads-welcome-grads-into-the-alumni-family/#more-428
I then met up with a group of friends in Healy Circle for some pictures, and then we hightailed it over to the JesRes. The atmosphere was decidedly more joyful than that of two days later during Commencement. The first teary moment happened for me as we filed into McDonough and the alums stood clapping on either side. When I made eye contact with my dad, I lost it a little bit. I don't want to sound pretentious, like, "Well, I'm a quadruple legacy, I appreciate Georgetown more than you do," but when you know that someone in your family can relate to so many of the experiences you have had and has loved your school the way you love it, there is a sort of unspeakable bond. My dad was just beaming all weekend, and I could tell how much it meant to him to have me graduate from his beloved university. I give him credit for never once pressuring me to apply; the most he did was encourage me to apply when I was on the fence, saying that it can never hurt to try. He let me make the decision on my own, but I feel like some divine hand led me towards Georgetown. It was literally the best decision I have ever made in my short life to apply to this school and to then enroll. So that, whenever I had a particularly Georgetown-centric talk with my dad over the course of the weekend, I instantly burst into tears. To anyone who knows me well, I am a crier, but this weekend was especially emotional for me. Transitions and goodbyes are also not among my strong suits, so it has been a struggle over the last few days as friend after friend has left the Hilltop.

Okay, back to the festivities, because this post is already getting long...claro. I mean, it's me. Just look at my other blog if you want proof. So Thursday night. I stayed up until 6:30 in the morning playing beer pong at Cal and John's, and then proceeded to miss a couple of ceremonies (not completely necessary but too bad nonetheless) and worry my parents half to death. I woke up at 1:30 in a haze of drunkenness, confusion and mortification, the latter of which I have yet to recover from. But you know what? It was Senior Week. I'm not sorry I partied. I'm sorry for being an awful daughter, but not at all sorry I partied. Friday night was Senior Ball at Union Station (preceded by dinner at the Dubliner with my friend Julia, a friend and a fellow legacy- our dads rowed at Georgetown together and then coached crew until her dad passed away- who I have known since birth (she's 3 weeks older than me), as well as her family, which was indescribably amazing. The theme was "The Greatest Show on Earth", so there were circus-themed performers and Bollywood and Vegas-themed rooms, and I was just in awe. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. It was the most wonderful party I've ever been to. It was slightly overwhelming because of how many people were there- I had to look at each person and ask myself, 'Do I know them? Do I know them?'. But it was another great opportunity to spend time with friends, especially those among us who were not in the College and, thus, had separate graduation ceremonies.

Graduation day was the most surreal day of my life. It doesn't feel like it was 4 days ago, because each individual day, from about Thursday onward, has felt like two or three different days because of how jam-packed they've been. I was very subdued before the ceremony, as I tend to be when I'm anxious or upset. I ran over to talk to some people in another procession line, and when I talked to my friend Allison, I started to cry. That's when I knew it would be a long day. The ceremony was beautiful, and, unlike for the unfortunate Business and School of Continuing Studies students, the weather held out. Dikembe Mutombo, the former Georgetown and NBA basketball player (YAY!!!!!!!!!) and current philanthropist, delivered a nice commencement address, and then, as each individual student walked across the stage to receive the translation of their diplomas (which, in true Georgetown and Jesuit fashion, are in Latin), sounds of shouts and claps (and, on a couple of occasions, cowbells!) punctuated the air. I am proud to say that I did not trip while walking across the stage, and was delighted to see the smiling faces of Professor Terrio (my thesis advisor, who was sitting in the front row) and Dr. Porterfield, the latter of whom gave me a big hug. For the rest of the ceremony, I teared up occasionally, especially when we sang the Alma Mater. I had unfortunately lost my voice, due to a cold, lack of sleep and and an excess of alcohol, but, call me a Georgetown dork, those words had never meant so much as they did that day. And I just kept thinking about how lucky I am to have gone to Georgetown, to have been blessed with the friends I've made, the professors whose classes I've taken, and the experiences I've had. Those feelings were not unique to graduation day- in fact, I tell people that I am a true Georgetown dork because, when I walk through the front gates every morning, I get the most enormous smile on my face as I behold the Healy clocktowers in front of me. Hi, I'm Kristen, and I'm a Georgetown dork. And I couldn't be happier! Again, none of these feelings were unique to Graduation Day, but they were just amplified and mixed together with so many other emotions.

After the ceremony, I picked up my actual diploma on Copley Lawn. I cried when I looked at it for the first time. It is so beautiful, and to have this piece of paper confirming that I graduated from this, the school of my dreams, just puts the icing on the cake of my academic career. That isn't to say that I won't go back to school at some point, but no honor has ever meant as much as this diploma. I caught up with Allie, who was kind enough to lend me her phone so I could tell my family to come meet me. My dad was the first one there, and again, on went the water works. We took a plethora of pictures (and even I, the photo whore, was tired of taking pictures by the end), both with family and friends. Afterward, my cousin Amy and I went to Tombs so I could put the final nail in my 99 Days coffin. I ordered us some Hoya Blues because I thought it would be fitting (and, of course, another drink), and then we walked down to lunch at Sequoia. It was an amazing post-graduation celebration, and it was a wonderful mix of people, from our Lake crowd (Terry, the owner of the house, the Devlins and the Colligans), to family (my mom's sister and her family, and my dad's brother and his family) to past Georgetown grads (my dad, his roommate for much of college, and a fellow crew alum and coach). I have always had the model of those lasting Georgetown friendships because of my dad's continued involvement with the crew program, the Alumni Association and Hoyas Unlimited, but seeing the group of them there further solidified my desire to make my Georgetown friendships last, to still be friends with them 34 years later.

Saturday night and Sunday was just one continuous sobfest (on my part, but also for a couple of other friends). Even though many of us will see each other in 2 1/2 weeks for Kate's wedding, it may be awhile until I am reunited with other friends, whether they are friends I met freshman year or friends I have just started getting to know. Each goodbye was difficult, but I have to believe that, if those friendships are as genuine as I want to believe they are, all of us will put forth the effort to stay in touch. Even if it's just a phone call every so often or the occasional e-mail, Facebook message or GChat, I hope we remind each other how much we care, because it has really been the people I've met over these four years that have made the experience as dreamlike and ideal as it has been. I can't even begin to count the many blessings that I have been given in my four years on the Hilltop, but I want to thank you, dear readers (because I'm guessing that most of you reading this have some connection to me and to Georgetown) for making these last for years the most unforgettable years of my life. To all of you who happen to be part of the class of 2010, I love you all so much, and wish you the best, but let's never let it be too long since last we met....HOYA SAXA and MAY GEORGETOWN LIVE FOREVER!

Dress Rehearsal

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to witness my cousin Amy's graduation at JMU. Let me tell you, it's a whole lot more fun watching someone else's graduation than actually being the graduate!!! As I was sitting there, proudly watching my cousin walk across the stage, I sensed an almost suffocating feeling of dread coming over me, for the day, two weeks later, when I too would walk across a stage and become a Georgetown graduate. How did this happen??? Flash back to move-in day freshman year, when my family and I, after a training meal at Tombs (my first-ever Southwest Salad!) carted my shitload of stuff up 8 flights of stairs in Harbin Hall in what can only be described as the most miserable, oppressively hot August weather imaginable. I think I might have actually been fighting back tears as we carried boxes upon boxes upon crates upon bins of clothing, books and room furnishings up those stairs. I can tell you for a fact that I started crying during the first festivities of NSO, even before my family had left. I cried as I sat in mass on Sunday morning, the day my family was leaving me, the day I was expected to become a "real person" (oh, how quickly that definition has changed!). I was inconsolable as my family drove away, and I seriously think my parents were concerned about me for the first few weeks of school. That's how bad my homesickness was. I think I spent so much of first semester being homesick that I didn't take the time to fall in love with Georgetown.

I think the tide started to turn in September, when I met Allie, who lived on my freshman floor. I'm pretty sure we became friends almost right away, and we had breakfast together at Leo's every day before class. She, in turn, introduced me to some of her LAS friends, and many of those people (and their friends) are still my best friends on the Hilltop. Also, this is going to sound ridiculous, but once I found my group of basketball friends (which, granted, would change over the years), I knew I had found my niche. Believe it or not, I was not always a basketball fanatic, and didn't sit in the front row until the Marquette game of freshman year, but from there on, I knew that Hoya basketball would be a central tenet of my Georgetown experience, which it certainly has been! I think that I first knew I loved Georgetown when I made that group of friends and found that part of Georgetown that was my passion. I don't mean to suggest that it has been completely smooth sailing from there, but I went from sobbing incessantly that my family was leaving me to sobbing when faced with the prospect of leaving Georgetown someday. It has gotten to the point where 4 days at home for Easter, and even less than 48 hours away to go to Amy's graduation, has been a completely traumatizing experience. We give my New York relatives grief for practically getting the shakes when they venture outside of the New York metropolitan area, but I think I might actually be turning into them...I know that there is something to be said for the suburbs, but I think one thing I've learned about myself throughout my college career is that I'm a city girl!!!! So to go home to sleepy little Longmeadow or travel to the picturesque but less-than-buzzing Shenandoahs is a challenge- literally, as we were driving back into town yesterday, I got a huge smile on my face and said to my parents, "I love DC". This isn't to say that I wouldn't be happy in other cities, because I know there are many other cities around the globe where I would be happy, but I have really come to love this city and would count myself lucky to be able to live here for even a little bit longer!

So back to the graduation. I think the part of Amy's graduation that really got me choked up was when they played the Alma Mater. When they play my own (which, I'll admit, I sang along to each time my friends and I filed out of Verizon at the end of a basketball game), I know I'll cry. I have a feeling I'll cry at many points during the ceremony (tissues will be a must), and the day, in general, will be an emotional one. Because, even though I'll be here at least through the end of the summer, graduation day will truly mark the end of an era, with friends departing for all different corners of the globe and various career and educational futures, the end of 99 Days, the end of a largely responsibility-free life and the beginning of my transition into life as a "real person", the end of acceptable drunkenness on a regular basis (haha), the end of my career in the student section at Verizon. There are so many things that are ending, but, if you look at all of the clichés uttered in graduation speeches, we have so many things in front of us. I can't wait for Senior Week, which starts next Monday, which promises to be an unforgettable last hurrah with all of my friends, and all of the memories that I know will result. And I cannot wait to see what this next chapter holds for all of us!