Dating Rant #1

Okay, so I don't plan on making a habit of writing every day, but I was reading The Guide (The Hoya's weekly magazine, for those of you who don't know) yesterday while I was waiting to go into my job interview, and the dating column for that issue really struck me...so naturally I wanted to share it with the rest of the world! First of all, here's the link: http://guide.thehoya.com/node/387

The article is short and definitely worth reading, and sums up some of the confusion that I think a lot of us college girls have about dating. I have learned that trying to get inside a guy's head and figure out how the hell he thinks is literally the most useless exercise on the face of the earth, because while they proclaim to be easy to read, they are most certainly NOT! Now, I'm a pretty old-fashioned girl when it comes to dating, so I would say that guys should be the ones doing the pursuing, but, according to the author of the article, a lot of her guy friends were too "scared of rejection" to ask a girl out. What's this? Masculine insecurities? I used to think it was the male gaze (I hope Molly reads this!) that made girls insecure, but I'm learning, more and more, that guys are insecure too! I guess not wanting to be rejected is a valid concern, but it isn't an excuse for doing nothing, for dancing around the issue and playing with a girl's emotions.

Of course, there is also the classic "I'm not looking for a commitment" refrain- it seems like this excuse, or some variation of it, is rampant on college campuses. I do understand that it takes a certain degree of emotional maturity to be in a relationship, but what is the harm in asking a girl out on a date? The author echoes this sentiment when she says, "for those boys who fear that they will take a girl on one date and she will suddenly be doodling Mrs. John Smith all over the margins of her notebook, you ned a reality check. I'm sure you are charming and completely desirable, but one date does not mean you two will be getting engaged a week later. Perhaps, with time and after several dates, you will find yourself getting ore serious, but if you don't want it (even if she does), then it won't happen." This paragraph not only made me laugh aloud, but also caused me to nod my head in agreement at the newspaper spread out on my lap. She's right. Going on a date is not a one-way ticket down the aisle. You can make it as formal or informal as you'd like! And if you don't have a good time, you don't have to do it again! No one has a gun to your head!

This article seems to challenge the ideas put forth in the book (and much more pleasant film) "He's Just Not that Into You." The book, a relationship bible for some and the devil's book making you want to pound your head against a wall because of your own stupidity for others, says, in many more words than I would care to use here, that if he's not asking you out (or sleeping with you, marrying you, or taking some other step proving his commitment and utter devotion to you), HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (I will tell you, the more you repeat this phrase, the more you start to believe it). But could it really be that he just needs a little encouragement, a guarantee from you, the object of his affection, that you will not reject him? If he's "not looking for a commitment" (a cover for immaturity and self-involvement???), he may be a lost cause, but could there be a glimmer of hope (I hope Lauren is reading this part) for the timid guy?

This is one reason why I'm glad to be leaving college soon...and I just have to say, I'm having a Carrie Bradshaw moment writing this post.