Trying to Make Sense of a Tragedy

via A Blog About Love

I promise I will post about our hiking adventure from this past weekend, but I am writing with a truly heavy heart this morning and wanted to address those feelings first.

As all of you are probably aware, two bombs wreaked havoc yesterday near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and wounding more than 120, nearly 20 critically.  The attacks occurred on Patriot Day, better known as "Marathon Monday." Patriot Day is the most sacred of days in Massachusetts, with the entire state taking a day off from work and school to celebrate the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the start of the Revolutionary War.  The day truly does capture the extreme pride of the citizens of Massachusetts, who ring in the day by tuning in to the afternoon Sox game and the running of the Boston Marathon.  The bombs that ripped through crowds of innocent bystanders yesterday shattered the sacredness of the day.

On a personal level, while I may not live there anymore, Massachusetts is the state where I grew up, and it will always profoundly affect how I view myself.  To illustrate this, my Massachusetts license is due to expire next March, and I would rather not have a valid ID than have to trade in my Massachusetts ID for a Virginia one.  They can punch a hole in it, rendering it useless, but I refuse to fork it over.  The type of pride instilled in every "Masshole" for our beloved state is something that you can't really put into words.  Many people have a strong allegiance to their city, but mine is statewide, and, better said, region-wide.

A very close friend of mine was at the finish yesterday, watching a friend run.  Thankfully, through the magic of Facebook, I was able to see that she was fine.  However, when I texted her to tell her how glad I was that she was okay, she told me that she had left the blast site mere minutes before the bombs went off, joking that she had wanted ice cream and that that was the first time when her sweet tooth had been legitimately good for her health.  I am so grateful that she is okay, but my heart is broken for the families of the dead and of those still fighting for their lives.  My thoughts and prayers are with all of them as they struggle to make sense of lives cut short.  The fact that an eight year-old child was among the dead is truly sickening.  When will our children cease to be targets of acts of violence??? When will parents stop outliving their children?

Having run my first marathon exactly a month ago today, I tried to put myself in the runners' place, that of complete confusion in the face of sheer exhaustion.  The fatalistic part of me can't help but think, 'What if that had been my race? What if that had been my parents, my boyfriend and my friends at the finish?'  The thought that you could be putting yourself in danger of a terrorist attack just by going out for a run is enough to strike fear into any runner's heart.  But runners are a strange breed. We do what we do for reasons that we cannot really explain to anyone else.  There were so many stories of heroic runners who, immediately after finishing the race, continued running to Mass General in order to give blood.  So, even in the face of this tragedy, I choose to run.  I run for Massachusetts, I run for Boston, and I run for the innocent lives lost.  That's about the best that any of us can do.

26.2

I promise, I'm still here!

People, March has been a BUSY month for me, so blogging just hasn't been in the cards for me.  Between being ridiculously busy at work and having lots of exciting things going on in my personal life, I just haven't been able to find the time to blog.  To give you a good idea, my last four weekends are as follows:

Weekend of March 2nd and 3rd: Anniversary celebrations!

Weekend of March 9th and 10th: Cuse game + cousin in town + lots of friends in town

Weekend of March 16th and 17th: MARATHON {and then doing a whole lot of nothing}
Weekend of March 23rd and 24th: Working a wedding + birthday + March Madness

Yes, FINALLY, the blessed event happened last weekend, the marathon I had poured my blood, sweat {lots of it} and tears {yup, some of those too} into for the past four months.  Even though I had run two half-marathons before, I was terrified on race day.  When I did my 22-miler two weeks prior to the race, I had felt myself starting to hit the "wall" that all marathoners talk about, which typically happens somewhere between miles 20 and 21.  I hoped that I would have just enough adrenaline to help me power through.  It didn't hurt that I had THE most incredible support team.  From the minute I had told him that I was running this race, Dan had been my biggest cheerleader, telling me how great I would do even when I was sulking after some miserable long runs.  I knew that Dan, my parents, and a few friends would be cheering me on along the course, and I can't fully convey how big of an emotional boost that was.  In short succession, from miles 13.5-16, I saw: my friends Alix and Lauren, my parents, my coworker, Beth and her husband, and Dan.  I had the biggest smile on my face as I ran by all of my people.  In general, though, race culture is so wonderful, because there are always residents lining the roads and cheering runners on. This race was certainly no exception!

Here's a look at the course.  For the most part, it was, mercifully, flat, but there was one hill in particular, the hill just before mile 6 as we exited Rock Creek Parkway and took an off-ramp up to Calvert St.  BOY, was that a steep hill.  Luckily, it was also brief, but I was dizzy and gasping for air at the end of it.  

But I digress.  This marathon was certainly not fun the entire time {I hit my wall at 21, but luckily, after taking the advice of a coworker and ingesting some M&Ms along with my Shot Blox, I got a HUGE burst of energy, which I can probably also attribute to the adrenaline rush of almost being finished}, but I learned, as I did throughout this entire process, how mentally tough I can be if I have to be.  Sure, I may cry at the drop of the hat and may occasionally be overly sensitive, but damn it, I pushed through all of my self-doubt and finished a marathon, and in pretty good time, no less!! My goal had been to finish in less than 4 hours, which obviously is not going to qualify me for Boston, but seemed like a reasonable goal given my pace and the fact that it was my first marathon.  While my goal was definitely just to finish, I think I would have been a little bit bummed if I had finished in over 4.  Well, my time was 3:53, so I was one happy girl!!!!!!!!

The greatest feeling {other than crossing the finish line and getting to stop running} was rounding the final bend and spotting my parents and Dan, all of whom were screaming words of encouragement to me.  At this point, the adrenaline was flowing and I was trucking it around that final turn, all smiles.  You would never know that I was in the final tenth of a mile of a marathon, right? HA!  When I had crossed the finish line and it was FINALLY over, I just stopped for a moment and put my hands over my face.  In that moment, I experienced the greatest sense of accomplishment that I ever have in my life.  I had set a goal for myself {and a difficult one that that, given the miniscule percentage of the world that has run a marathon} and accomplished it.  All of the training, all of the injuries, all of the early Saturday morning wake-ups to run, it was all worth it.  After hobbling over to them, I was finally reunited with Dan and my parents.  Seeing the pride with which they all looked at me only reinforced that sense of accomplishment that I was feeling.    I am also thrilled that running a marathon is now yet another bond that my dad and I share.

And the madness is not ending, friends.  Here's a brief rundown of the next few weekends of my life:

Weekend of March 30th and 31st: Easter weekend

Weekend of April 6th and 7th: Work event all day Friday and Saturday

Weekend of April 13th and 14th: Cousin in town + going on a birthday trip {more about this soon!}

Weekend of April 20th and 21st: Possible weekend trip to Pittsburgh, followed by a quick overnight visit from an out-of-town friend on Sunday night

I will post more next time about fun goings-on in April, May and June!

With my friends Jame and Lindsay, who also ran the marathon, prior to the race

My biggest supporter :)

Seeing my parents and Dan both along the course and at the finish line brought the biggest smile to my face.  I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful supporters!

Marathon Training: Oh yeah, that's happening...

I feel like marathon training has become a part of my morning routine to the extent that I forget to talk about it on this blog.  But I am slightly over halfway through my training, so I thought I would give you all a quick update.

I was thinking today how strange it is that my "short runs" on the weekend are now 11-12 miles.  Prior to training for this race, the longest distance I had ever run was 13.1 miles {twice}.  It is astounding to me how far I've come in just two months of training. A few weeks ago, after a horrific 16-miler which ended with two miles of jogging/limping, I was feeling pretty down about my training.  I have been plagued by hip joint pain for the past month or so, which has reared its ugly head, in particular, during my longer runs.  I was frustrated by having to plan my entire weekend around when I was going to do my long run, and that bugged me.  That was why I was so apprehensive leading in to my 18-miler yesterday.  I had been hemming and hawing all weekend about when I was going to do my run, and was nervous about running later in the day, when I had already eaten.  I have found that I have stomach issues if I run with food in my stomach, which is one of the main reasons why I run early in the morning {in addition to the fact that I am a morning person}.  Dan was nothing but encouraging yesterday as I prepared to leave for my run.  He really has been my biggest cheerleader throughout this process, and has been quick to reassure me when I've had a tough run or am visibly in pain.

I had a really great run yesterday, so I came out of it feeling somewhat reassured that I can do this.  I felt really good for the first 12 miles or so, and didn't feel too terrible after that.  My hip did start bothering me, but I think the fact that I didn't run in the city, and, thus, didn't have all the stop-and-go action that aggravates my hip, made for an easier run.  I ran from Rosslyn on the Mt. Vernon trail and turned around by Wilson Bridge in Alexandria.  I even saw my parents outside, basking in the glorious day, in the park next to their house, so I stopped for a quick break to say hello and eat my Shot Bloks {if you're training, these are made by Clif Bar and are fantastic; not being a regular consumer of caffeine, I didn't want to risk using a training aid with caffeine in it and having it mess up my body}.  I was definitely ready for the run to be over at about mile 15 or 16, but I felt really good about myself when I finished.  I was even able to call upon a short, surprising burst of energy at the end of the run to pass a couple of people.  It was great to be able to go home to Dan and know that I had done it, and he was really happy for me.

Now, I haven't run my race yet {it's on March 16th, for those of you who are interested}, but I have a renewed sense that I CAN do this.  The fact that I have been able to overcome a lifelong hatred of running, in addition to exercise-induced asthma, is proof that you can do anything if you really put your mind to it.  I have an incredible support team led, first and foremost, by Dan, and they continue to encourage me, even in moments when I doubt myself.  For that, I am so grateful.  It has also helped to hear from friends who have trained for marathons, picking their brains for tips.  I'm excited to push myself more over these next few months and, hopefully, have a successful race!!!

I promise that I will try to update you all soon on our wonderful long weekend.  It is going to be a tough week at work, but hopefully I'll find some time to write!