Embracing Your Imperfections {and seeing yourself for the person you truly are}

I'm sure you have all been hearing a lot about the Dove Real Beauty sketch video over the past few months. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how to challenge my self-image, those descriptors that, if I uttered them, would probably cause the artist in the video {who is very talented, by the way} to sketch an image of me that is far from being true-to-life. I am certainly guilty of caving to body insecurity, and, being that it was something that I struggled with as a teenager and throughout college, it is difficult to break that terrible habit of self-scrutiny.  However, for every perceived "flaw" that I have identified, I have tried to come up with a challenge, a benefit of that seemingly imperfect feature.  To give a few examples:

• Perceived flaw: I have inherited unfortunately large thighs. BENEFIT: I would not have been able to run 26.2 miles on tiny little thighs.  Large runners' thighs are a symbol of my strength.
• Perceived flaw: My hair is voluminous and unruly. BENEFIT: There are so many women with thinning hair who would kill to have the kind of volume that I have.  I have natural volume without using volumizing shampoos or serums.  Also, I am convinced that whoever created straighteners did it just for me and my naturally wavy locks :)
• Perceived flaw: The fact that I have to wear glasses is not that fun.  BENEFIT: However, I have learned from my dear Dan that my eyes actually change color from blue to green depending on the day, which I think is pretty darned awesome.  So even though I may begrudge my eyes for not being able to see very well or tolerate contacts all the time, I still think they're pretty cool.
• Perceived flaw: I have enormous feet {I typically wear size 11, but have to bump it up to 12 for my running shoes}.  BENEFIT: Okay, I can't spin this one haha.  It sucks to have feet this big {even though they are proportional to my height}, especially when trying to find cute, fashionable shoes.

So what am I trying to say here?  I am telling you to challenge those negative statements, voiced or not, about your own appearance.  I'm not going to lie, on more days than not, I hate those thighs, but this was the body that I was given, so I might as well accept it {while still exercising and trying to eat healthy foods, of course!}.  My favorite part of the Dove video was when the women compared the images of themselves, the one based on their own description of themselves and the other as they actually appear to others.  After witnessing the internal struggle of each of the women beating herself up for a perceived flaw, it was so heartwarming for them to see how others view them {and, in all of the cases, they were significantly more beautiful!}. 

Also, while flat-chestedness might be in that "flaw" category for most people, I have always seen it as a benefit. I can fit into anything without spilling out of it, and I can run without serious discomfort {or multiple sports bras}! Win!  So ladies and gents, remember, despite all of those ads that tell you that you need to change something {or many somethings} about yourself, try to love the body you were born with.  

With Every Step Forward...

What a doubly exciting and yet frustrating day for women here in the U.S.  On a positive note, the all-male Augusta National golf club, which has famously snubbed scores of high-profile would-be female members in order to maintain its "old boy's club" atmosphere (not that they would ever admit to that) admitted its FIRST two female members!!!!  Condoleeza Rice (who, despite the President that she served under, I have a tremendous amount of respect for as a trailblazing woman) and South Carolina financier Darla Moore are the lucky women, and, while I must start by saying that this is LONG overdue, I truly hope that this serves as notice to social clubs like Augusta that "old boys' clubs" are no longer acceptable.  As women strive to occupy positions of power, it is increasingly important that these all-male institutions be done away with in favor of organizations where men and women can interact outside of work.  And after all, the links are a place where major business deals are made, so, with the push for increased visibility of women in leadership roles, women should be privy to those business conversations.  For more information on Augusta's surprising and historic ruling, click here.

However, if you have been paying any attention to the news, you will know about the despicable case of Representative Todd Akin (R-MO) whose comments on abortion left the most rotten of tastes in my mouth.  Mr. Akin was asked in an interview whether, in cases of rape, he believes that abortion is justified.  Not only does he show how ignorant he is about rape, but he displays his extreme insensitivity towards the victims of rape.

His bloodcurdling comments were the following:

“It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, [pregnancies resulting from rape are] really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.”

First of all, let's start out with the fact that this guy is an idiot.  "The female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down."  I'm sorry, does he have the slightest of ideas as to how the reproductive system works?  Women's bodies do not decide whether or not to begin the process of pregnancy based on whether or not the sexual encounter was consensual or a rape.  Do you think our ovaries say, "Oh, this was a rape, no pregnancy this time"?  No, the body does not have a natural abortion mechanism in place for cases when a woman is raped.  The NYT has an article on how this gross misconception has surfaced in multiple elections.

Secondly, let's focus on the most important issue at hand.  What the hell does "legitimate rape" mean, and who decides what it means?  Is it Akin?  That term, "legitimate rape" is certainly a new one for me.  In any case where a woman does not consent to a sexual encounter, she is a rape victim.  End of story.  No matter what your views on abortion are, I think that we can all agree that 1) Mr. Akin's knowledge of the processes of the human body is severely lacking, and, thus, he should not make assertions based on that misinformation; and 2) his use of the term "legitimate rape" suggests that he has some personal set of criteria for determining whether or not a woman has actually been raped, which is absurd.  

Infuriating, just infuriating.  Ladies, if you are at all politically inclined, please run for office and replace these clowns who think they can legislate issues relating to your health when they have neither an understanding of your body nor any empathy for the trauma that unfortunate numbers of women are subjected to. 

Back on my Soapbox Again

During my morning read of the New York Times, I found this article about 14 year-old Julia Bluhm, a Maine-bred 8th grader who is petitioning Seventeen magazine to include "real girls" (girls with a human amount of body fat, skin blemishes, tan lines, etc.) on its pages, as a first step to ending the airbrushing practices of lifestyle and high fashion magazines. I was really torn when I read this article; at first, I was smiling from ear to ear because someone was sticking it to the man and addressing a really pressing issue.  (Shameless plug: If you haven't already read my post about Miss Representation, a documentary that examines, you guessed it, the misrepresentation of women in the media and the hindrance this poses to women who otherwise would have aspired to careers in politics, business and entertainment, read it.  More importantly, go see the movie, or get the DVD from Netflix.)

However, as proud as I am of Julia for the crusade that she is leading (which, hopefully, more magazines and news outlets will take notice of; as a side note, I saw on the news this morning that Vogue is banning "too-thin" models from their photo shoots.  While "too-thin" is certainly subjective, it makes me really hopeful that such an iconic publication is declaring its commitment to change), I am still afraid for her.  Young girls (and even young women my age) are facing an enormous amount of societal pressure to conform to the ideal standards of beauty in a way that appears to be effortless.  Julia is a beautiful girl, based on the picture in the article, but I wonder if she simply is too young to have been exposed to those societal pressures yet and, thus, is better able to fend it off.  What will happen when she gets to high school, I wonder?  Or better yet, college?  I am afraid that even the most well-intentioned of these young girls will be pressured to conform to that same ideal, and will develop accompanying insecurities, such as eating disorders and a severe lack of self-respect and self-worth.  I am afraid for the future daughters I hope to have, because will it be worse by the time we get to their generation?  However, the fact that there is a dialogue, and we as a society are becoming increasingly aware of the ways in which the media manipulates women, makes me hopeful that, together, we can affect change.   

Friday Afternoon Around the Horn

I tend to post a lot of NYT articles to my blog.  What can I say, I enjoy The Times?

The first article that I found noteworthy was this one, in which Rick Santorum equated Mitt Romney with Barack Obama in terms of his anti-gun views.  Really, Rick, you are doing a fabulous job in ensuring that I never dream of voting for you.  Have you been watching the news lately?  Have you seen just a handful of the devastating tragedies that lax gun laws have caused?  To name a few off the top of my head, does Trayvon Martin's name ring a bell?  George Zimmerman should not have been allowed to own a gun, period.  How about the former student of Oikos University, who killed, in a calculated manner, a number of students at the school?  Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have been allowed near a gun either.  Obama, in a speech four years ago in Pennsylvania, "had said it was 'not surprising' that their residents 'get bitter [due to the declining economy and poverty in small-town America], they cling to guns or religion'".  I think our president is on to something.  I certainly don't agree with everything that he says, but I think that both guns and religion are both used as weapons, both literally and figuratively.  Giving people access to guns scares me, because, like George Zimmerman and One L. Goh, so many people abuse their constitutional right to own a weapon.  I'm not saying that all gun-toting Americans abuse those privileges, because those are cases that are sensationalized and blown out of proportion by the media, but I don't think I want to leave that to chance.

Another way in which I hope the Republican Party has put its foot in its mouth: American women (myself included!) are starting to get angry about how so many Republican lawmakers and conservative institutions (Catholic Church) and organizations (Susan G. Komen, led by a right-to-lifer) are waging a culture war on women's health (more specifically, women's reproductive health). I really loved the quote by Stephanie Schriock, the president of Emily's list, who said: “What we are committed to doing at Emily’s List is drive a political movement to get these Republican men out of office. What’s going on in the Republican Party is that they are being hijacked by an extremely conservative faction of the party, and the entire party has taken up the right-wing social agenda to prevent women from having all the choices they need in their lives to be successful.” Her organization is aimed at electing more pro-choice women to office (you can put the emphasis on pro-choice or on women, but both are very noble goals).  And yes, I am not saying that there are not far left-wing liberals who push their own agenda in Washington, but the fact that moderate and liberal women are so grossly underrepresented in positions of power is truly saddening.  In that sense, Decision 2012 is a very exciting time for American women, because enough of us are angry that we are willing to take a stand and stick up for ourselves.  I think that an organization like Emily's list is so invaluable, and I will definitely consider becoming a part of it!!

That's all I have time for...off for a long weekend of Easter revelry with family and friends.  Only a few more days until I am reminded of what sweets taste like :)

Yet Another Reason Why I Love Georgetown

A short time ago, I blogged about women's health and about how, in the months preceding the 2012 presidential election, my views on the social issues that are coming to light in the context of the election are becoming increasingly clear to me.  The thing that frustrates me the most in the debates over contraception, abortion and a woman's place in the workforce is that women seem to be losing our agency in the debate. 

This past week, Sandra Fluke, a third-year Georgetown Law student and a former president of Georgetown Law Students for Reproductive Justice, was embroiled in a very public attack on her character after she testified before a Democratic mock panel in support of HHS' proposed mandate that would require all employers, even the religiously affiliated, to provide free access to contraception for their employees.  In response, Ms. Fluke was lambasted by Rush Limbaugh, in my opinion one of the most deplorable human beings on the face of the earth, who has made a career out of spewing off inflammatory comments in order to elicit a response.  His comments are not fit to be repeated here, and, in fact, I had a great deal of difficulty making it through the videos and articles I read detailing his response.  His comments were not only a direct and inappropriate attack on Ms. Fluke's character, but also an attack on all women.

News sources quickly picked up the story, and such an uproar was caused that many lawmakers even wrote a letter to Speaker of the House John Boehner, urging him and the rest of Republican senior leadership to reprimand Mr. Limbaugh for his disgusting comments.  Now, I would agree that the letter was very extreme, but, despite the fact that Mr. Limbaugh is protected under the law to freely express himself, his comments never should have been made.  He insulted a woman he had no knowledge of, calling her a "slut" for wanting free access to contraception (a very costly drug treatment if not covered by insurance)...but then saying that, if she wants to have so much sex, she should at least videotape it and put it on the internet for the viewing pleasure of others.  Way to make yourself look good, Rush.

However enraged I may have been by Limbaugh's rampage against Ms. Fluke, I could not have been more pleased by the response of politicians and of the Georgetown community.  President Obama called Ms. Fluke personally, and not only applauded her for taking a very public stand on an issue she is so clearly passionate about, but also reassured her that her family (which, I learned from an interview she conducted, is of a different political persuasion than she is) should be proud of her, contrary to what Limbaugh had suggested.  Point for Barack.  Then, John J. DeGioia, the President of Georgetown University, circulated an email to the campus community voicing his strong support for Ms. Fluke's respecful civil discourse, calling for everyone in the campus community to engage in such discourse, even if they are of a different opinion.  I was truly touched by his statement, because, being that President DeGioia is the president of the country's pre-eminent Catholic and Jesuit university, he is required to side with the Church on certain moral issues (even if those beliefs may not align with his own).  So, even if he does not personally agree with what Ms. Fluke is proposing, his strong support for her as a person and for her right to express her own personal beliefs brought tears to my eyes.  The president of a Catholic and Jesuit organization is not the first person I would have pegged to release a statement of that kind, but I think that it was truly significant, and, in a way, I believe it confirmed the fact that women should be their own agents, their health should not be dictated by men.  Point for DeGioia (and for the Jesuits).  Hoya Saxa.  I am so overwhelmingly proud of my University, and of Sandra Fluke for taking a stand that is so important to me as well.

For further analysis of President DeGioia's letter, I think that Jon Meacham did a very nice job. 

Post about anniversary weekend to follow :-)

Post "Miss Representation," Take II: Let's Talk Body Image

Obviously, no discussion of how women are represented in the media would be complete without a discussion of body image.  We are constantly bombarded with issues of [seemingly] flawlessly beautiful women who fit the bill of what Michael Kimmel, the author of Guyland, would refer to in his point that men (or, rather, young men in the 16-26 age bracket) think of the ideal woman as effortlessly perfect.  That is what these women in movies and TV and on magazine covers look like: effortlessly perfect.  They can balance all of the pressures of daily life, and still look freshfaced, thin and stylish.  Easy, right?

Wrong.  What we all know deep down to be true (but, yet, what no one tells us), is that these women are, first and foremost, airbrushed.  There was one part of the movie that showed the extent to which a model was airbrushed to the point where she no longer resembled her former self, so that is a lot of what is at play here.  Not only do they have airbrushing, but many of them likely have a personal chef to cook them nutritious meals, a personal trainer to work out with them for hours upon leisurely hours (because c'est la vie of an entertainer to have lots of downtime while not working), an assistant to do all of their time-wasting errands for them, a nanny to take care of their children...the list is endless.  So NATURALLY they're going to look a little less haggard than your normal, everyday woman. 

The problem is that so many young girls and women get ideas about what they themselves should look like from the images that the media presents them with day in and day out, to the point where they begin to lose sight of what is normal, not to mention healthy.  I am the first one to admit that I have certainly felt insecure about my body (in fact, I would say that I have spent the majority of my life feeling that way, not necessarily all day every day, but it is definitely something that is more often than not in the back of my mind), and I would argue that you would be hard pressed to find a single woman who has NEVER felt insecure about any aspect of her physical appearance.  If such a woman exists, then I will worship at her feet and ask her to divulge all of her secrets to escaping self-loathing and masochism.

I am partly to blame for my own at-times negative body image.  I avidly digest every last bit of pop culture news, checking People.com and UsWeekly.com daily for the latest in the lives of the stars, so I let myself be more bombarded than most by those images (in fact, Dan brought a rare pop culture event to my attention that I wasn't aware of, and he said jokingly, "Come on People."  Okay, I deserved that).  I think that the important thing is knowing where to draw the line, understanding that those celebrities are airbrushed and have an extensive team at their beck and call to make their lives just a little bit easier.  Us mere mortals do not have that luxury.  So I know how to spot a fake like this when I see one (jeez, Photoshop much?).  The actual model is, while still thin, much healthier looking than this ad, in which her head appears bigger than her waist.  How are we supposed to break the culture of women who torture themselves to be thin when we have such prominently-featured ads as Ralph Lauren's portraying this unachievable standard.

Now,  I'm hardly the person to be preaching to the choir, but, in my experience, the best role models are those who take good care of their bodies- those women who are athletic and strong.  Yes, it is important to exercise, but it is also important to eat a well-balanced diet.  For me, I look at female distance runners and I think, 'Wow, that is what I want to look like.'  If you take care of your body, it will reward you by allowing you to do things like run marathons :)  That's what I'm aiming for next.  Of course, accepting one's body is a work of constant progress, but the less we take our cues from popular culture, the healthier our attitudes will be towards our bodies.

A Must-See for Any Woman

Last night, Molly, Lauren and I went to a screening of the film "Miss Representation," which was shown as a result of a partnership between the Alliance of Women in Media Foundation and the Women in Politics Institute at American University.  I didn't quite know what to expect going into the screening, and, admittedly, was just hoping to stay awake, considering that it has been a long week.

Let's just say that all three of us left the screening feeling really riled up.  For a quick taste of the gist of the documentary, here is the trailer.  The film discusses, with the help of representatives from the entertainment/media and political worlds (both male and female) the misrepresentation of women in the media (hence the name of the film) and how such a misrepresentation has a direct effect on the number of women in positions of authority in the entertainment, political and business spheres. 

The film was so rich in topics for discussion that I cannot possibly contain all of them in one post...which is why I have decided to dedicate several to the film.  I guess I would like to start by talking about the "Bitch vs. Whore" dichotomy, being that it is such a pervasive element of our media-driven society.  A perfect illustration of this (I was so happy that they used this clip) is a scene from the first Sex and the City movie, when Carrie and Miranda peruse the drugstore aisles.  Miranda surveys the options for Halloween costumes and says something to the effect of, "I can't believe this.  The only options for women are a witch and a sexy kitten."  Carrie responds, "You just said a mouthful there, sister." Now, I have to admit that I always chuckle a little bit when I watch that part of the movie, but it really is a telling scene in terms of how women are portrayed in the male-run media.

I should add as a caveat that I am kind of going to weave in arguments and opinions that I have formed as a result of having read Guyland, a fabulous book about the male 16-26 age bracket, because this film certainly gave supporting evidence to those claims.  For most men (though certainly not all), women are not on a spectrum, but, rather, are either a bitch (a Hilary Clinton-esque, strong and ambitious woman who is seen as a "threat" to their masculinity and ambition) or a whore (a Sarah Palin-esque piece of eye candy with not a lot going on in between the ears; despite the fact that I disagree with her politically, I was disgusted when multiple sound bytes throughout the movie saw her described as "great masturbation material.").  And, unfortunately, since men are the primary controllers and owners of media and news outlets, more often than not, the story of the whore is the one that is more pervasive. There is no space for a woman in the media who is both beautiful and competent/intelligent/accomplished, and that is a trend that sorely needs to change.

There was a clip of a news show that featured one female news anchor and a couple of male news anchors.  The clip was from the day that Paris Hilton got out of jail, and the men insisted, "Let's go to the Paris Hilton story," which the female coanchor refused to do, adding that she was there to report on one of the many real news stories of the day.  It was very telling that, ultimately, they played the Paris Hilton clip, but not before the viewer saw the female anchor with her head in her hands, shaking her head in frustration at the pigs she worked with.  I was so proud, in that moment, that she stood up for women on-air and protested that deplorable fratty behavior.

The last thing I would add is that the omnipresence of the "whore" in media- in rap music videos, in movies (even in movies like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, where Angelina Jolie's character is supposed to be a strong, independent woman, she is still a sexual object), on magazine covers and even in politics- means that it is men who judge the beauty and worth of a woman.  I hear my own brothers speak so disparagingly of women based on their appearance and perceived worth, and, even though I sometimes protest, I admit that I could do more to break that cycle of behavior. A perfect example came last night, when Molly and I stopped at the grocery store near our apartment to get milk after the movie.  There were a bunch of 13 to 14 year-old boys perusing the magazines near checkout, and we heard them point and say, "she [Mariah Carey] used to be fat."  We just shook our heads, as if to say, "And so it begins."  What we need are strong male role models who will teach boys and young men how to be respectful of women, if we ever wish to break this cycle of unacceptable behavior.  Boys need to be taught that women are not objects meant for their sexual pleasure, but, rather, complex, multidimensional human beings worthy of respect.

I will definitely be blogging more about the film either over the weekend or next week, but I will say that, if any of you have the opportunity to attend a screening of the film, I would highly recommend going.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Kristen