A Loss

Earlier today, I found out that Terry, a very close family friend, passed away this morning after a nearly yearlong battle with brain cancer. I had known about Terry's illness from the time of his diagnosis, but never let myself believe that this seemingly indestructible man would succumb to such an ugly, evil disease.  I thought it would be therapeutic for me to write about the tremendous impact that Terry has had on me, for lack of a better way to distract myself from my grief over losing him.

I have known Terry my entire life, as he has been close friends with my parents since years before I was born.  He and my dad met at Potomac Boat Club, where my dad rowed after graduation, and they formed part of a tight-knit group, many of them former Georgetown rowers and/or coaches, for the rest of Terry's life.   The thing that sticks with me the most about Terry is that he never followed anyone's rules but his own.  My parents waffled about whether or not to invite him to their wedding; my dad was adamant about wanting to include his close friend, but my Grammy {who, apparently, controlled the guest list}insisted that he would probably not even come if invited, because he was living in Dallas at the time.  I think my mom supported Grammy's decision because she herself had only met Terry a few times.  Well, lo and behold, Terry showed up at their wedding, invitationless but not unwelcome in the least.   Later on in his life, Terry faced a diagnosis of diabetes, and, rather than change his ways completely, still managed to sneak in the occasional sweet treat that his doctors had prohibited him from enjoying.

The biggest role that Terry played in my life was offering up his beautiful Winnipesaukee lake house to my family, and a broader group of friends, every summer after he purchased the property in the late '80s.  I have waxed poetic before about the impact that the Lake has had on me, and so many of my fondest memories would never have come to fruition were it not for Terry's generosity.  Terry was the ringleader of the "Lake Family," and so clearly relished in having his friends' children around him.  I am certainly lucky to have the incredible father that I have, but I have always felt that, in this Lake family, I have so many other father figures, and Terry was certainly one for me.  He doted on us, loving to take us on boat rides to Wolfeboro {and, generally, show off his boating prowess}, take us out to breakfast, make us s'mores and make new purchases for the lake house that enhanced our fun {we never broke him on that water trampoline, though!}.

Some of my favorite memories of Terry include:

• One day, we were all hanging out down on the dock when the ball that Terry's dog was playing with fell in the water.  Since he had moved too slowly for a net to make a difference in retrieving it, Terry decided to lean precariously off the dock, with my dad's hand the only thing saving him from falling into the water.  Well, eventually my dad realized that he would make a game out of it and let Terry go.  Terry's head popped up from underwater and, with the biggest of grins on his face, said, in his thick Maine accent, "I trusted you, Petah!" {translation: Peter for you non-New Englanders}.
• Terry loved to rag on people.  It was just the kind of fun-loving guy that he was.  One favorite was when, just before Tim's freshman year at Georgetown, he sat Tim down and said, "Timmy, just don't fail out your first semester."  Tim always jokes about that because he actually did have a rocky first semester, and, when he graduated, he said something to the effect of, "I guess I proved Terry wrong."  On another occasion, my family sat around the living room with Terry and the two other families that we go to the Lake with every year and asked the three boys, Tim, Patrick and Jack, what their names would be if they were girls.  Jack and Patrick took the bait, but Tim, clearly uncomfortable, was bothered by the question.  Terry knew he had struck gold and continued to give Tim a hard time.  Finally, Tim asked Terry what his female name would be, and, without skipping a beat, he said, "Raymona" {his given first name was Raymond}.  He was always able to provide comic relief when it was appropriate.
• Terry LOVED his dogs, especially Angus, his German shepherd mix, and Abby, his chow mix.  Angus had the most benign personality of any dog I've ever seen, except when Terry mentioned "Buford", a neighbor's dog who Angus had some sort of beef with.  Whenever Terry wanted to get Angus riled up, all he had to say was "Buford," and the dog would growl and bare his fangs.
• He was the consummate outdoorsman, which is, perhaps, why New England was the only place that was ever truly "home" to him.  I have so many fond memories of hikes with Terry, with him leading the way with one of his dogs.  On one particular hike, up Mt. Major, a group of us had peeled off to take the shorter route, and Terry, accompanied by my dad and one of the other guys, attempted to lead them over to one of the other mountains.  Needless to say, the group got hopelessly lost, and Terry called his son Ben, who was living in Finland at the time, to describe exactly where they were {not in coordinates, mind you, but by the turns and rock formations that surrounded them} and Ben, who has a similar love of the outdoors, was able to help them navigate down the mountain.
• Terry's favorite beer was Schaeffer, much to the disdain of nearly everyone who he met {Schaeffer, which he pronounced "Schaeffah", is not necessarily a popular beer}.  But he loved it so much {maybe it was just to stick it to all of the haters}, but he loved it so much that he named his dog after it.
• The men of the Lake Family always knew that a trip to the Lake meant getting put to work, especially if you had the misfortune of being on the island for Memorial Day or Labor Day weekends.  Whether the group was hauling logs from the shallow part of the lake, trimming trees {Terry was fortunate enough to have a friend who, based on his job, had adequate supplies for that task} or putting the floating dock out on the lake, there was always some sort of manual labor involved.  We have extensive video of the gang putting the dock out over Memorial Day weekend that never ceases to leave us in stitches.  The men paddled the raft out from the beach, and made sure they were well-equipped for their 50-yard journey with a cooler full of Schaeffer and some deck chairs.  Needless to say, it ended sloppily, and many members of the group were pushed overboard by Terry.
• One 4th of July weekend, a bunch of us gathered down on the dock to watch Terry's son Ben and his friends set off some fireworks that they had purchased in honor of the occasion.  The combination of some poor aim and dry conditions  made the fireworks spew in the direction of some trees, catching them on fire.  Luckily for all of us, the fire put itself out, and Terry, of course, just dismissed the brush with disaster.
• Perhaps it was his memory or the sheer fact that there were so many of us {one Labor Day weekend, we counted over 40 people on the property, the overwhelming majority of those people sleeping in tents}, but Terry usually had to rattle off three or four names before finally arriving at your name when he tried to address you.  

It is strange for me to talk about Terry in the past tense, and I don't see that getting any easier.  Terry was someone who loved being surrounded by people, whether that was family or friends.  He was one of the friendliest people I have ever met, and I know that I speak for many others when I say that heaven gained a true angel today.  My dad was able to visit him yesterday, along with several close family friends and some of Terry's family, and he was so grateful to have had that experience.  He was surrounded by some of the people who loved him the most, and I know that's how he would have wanted to go.  May his soul rest in peace.

Jim, Terry and my dad during the "Rascal on the Rocks" incident

View from the house that Terry put so much of himself into

Throwback from one of the first Labor Day Weekends at the Lake {Terry is on the left}

Terry and Schaeffah

Left to Right: Ben, Jim, my dad and Peter.  This was taken yesterday at Terry's house in Maine, where the guys were started a bonfire, drank some Schaeffer and made a toast to Terry's wonderful life.

Emerging from the (Work-Induced) Darkness

Yeah, yeah, long time no blog.  Things have been pretty crazy around here, and work has entirely consumed my life.  Seriously.  Meaning that personal emails have gone unanswered, friends have gone unseen, and my relationship with Dan essentially consisted of takeout dinners and nights spent sitting on the couch side-by-side while I read applications.  Because I'm still new to this job, I went hard, perhaps too hard, to finish all of my work on time and make a good impression, but I could do without the negative work-life balance.

This weekend was a celebration of my emerging from the other side of reading still, shockingly, alive.  For the first time in weeks, I did not work at all over the weekend, and that felt like a huge accomplishment.  However, there was something more worth celebrating this weekend: three years ago yesterday, I went on a first date with the guy who would become the love of my life.  I didn't know it that day, as I power-walked to meet him on U St., but he would become the one person because of whom my cheeks constantly hurt from smiling.  I wrote this in my card to him, but, when I was a hopelessly romantic little girl {a quality that I'm proud not to have lost} and I dreamed about the man I would end up with, he {bizarrely} resembled a Disney prince.  That would naturally lead one to believe that such men don't exist.  Well, Dan has far surpassed all of my loftiest expectations.

I can still vividly remember our first date, and the excitement over the beginnings of our relationship.  It hasn't always been an easy journey, and I was briefly faced with the prospect of losing him when he was in the hospital after our race a few years ago, a feeling that I would not wish upon anyone, but he has succeeded in making me radiantly happy since the day I met him.  His calm, even-keeled personality is a perfect balance to my type-A, worry-filled one.  He is kind, thoughtful and smart in ways that amaze me every day.  He places so much value in his relationships with his family and friends, a sentiment that I share.  His quiet confidence is inspiring, and did I mention that he's easy on the eyes?!  I am so proud to be able to call him mine, and he inspires me to be a better person every day.

This year is going to include so much change and so many new adventures, and I can't think of another person that I would rather experience it all with.  He would be mortified if he knew that I blogged about him, but I can't help but gush about him.  Here's to many more!

New York, You Win Again

Every time we go to New York, it kicks my ass.  We cram SO many things into our time there {usually leading to late nights and very little sleep}, but I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.  I cashed in on my Christmas present from Dan, tickets to see Wicked {I'm telling you, he is one thoughtful gift-giver!}, before work gets out-of-control busy starting next week and I don't have a life until March.

ANYway, we got up insanely early to catch a bus up to the city on Saturday, and, once we dropped our stuff off at the hotel, we headed over to the West Side to meet up with Lindsay and James.  We grabbed lunch at Gotham West Market, which I would highly recommend {while I regretted ordering a grilled cheese because of the stomachache it caused me afterward, it was delicious, and, therefore, worth it}. It was very much like Union Market in that you could order from any number of "restaurants", all of which are smaller versions of restaurants located elsewhere in the city. We then went and grabbed a drink at a bar up the street until it was time for us to part ways.  We ran back to our hotel, only to run back out again to go to dinner at 44 1/2 {also in Hell's Kitchen}.  It was very…pink.  The reviews neglected to mention that the entire restaurant was pink, from the tablecloths to the flowers to the lanterns hanging from the ceiling to the VERY tight pink t-shirts that the waiters were wearing, to the 90s power ballads belted out by the likes of Whitney and Mariah…you see what I'm getting at, right?  The food was delish, so I was able to overlook the fact that the decor was a little much.

View from our hotel.  Okay, New York

I actually wasn't kidding about the pink

Excitement! It was a *WICKED* good show! {Okay, I'll stop}

Anyway, Wicked was fabulous.  Boy, do I wish I could sing like those people.  I can certainly sing, but not anything like that!  It was such a tremendous show, and I was singing the songs in my head as we walked down the street.  But wait, the night didn't end there! My cousin was having a birthday party at a bar on the Lower West Side, so we headed down there to meet up with the fam.  Then, Dan and I left to schlep over to the Lower East Side to meet up with some of his swimming buddies.  Who should we run into five minutes after arriving but baby bro.  We had just left Tim at the birthday party, not telling him which bar we were going to ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN.  So imagine my surprise when I turn around and HE IS AT THE SAME BAR.  In New York, I feel like this is far less likely to happen than in DC.  Anyway, I wouldn't recommend accidentally ending up at the same bar as your sibling, because I was conscious the entire time of not wanting to be anywhere near him {come on, I didn't want to ruin his game with the ladies!}.  We headed home and collapsed somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 a.m.  Woof.

We got up and had a nice run in Central Park {I knew it was cold, but we realized later that it was actually 17 degrees with the wind chill.  Woof again}.  And then, the crown jewel of our trip: we met up with Tim at Eataly for lunch.  He had been saying, since he moved to NY, that I would love it, so I finally cashed in on that offer to meet up there.  People. This place is mind-blowing.  I was in Italian food heaven.  Don't get me wrong, the pasta was not the best pasta I've ever had, but the AMBIENCE. Jeez louise was it ever amazing. There were imported Italian food goods everywhere you looked, and I think I could have spent all day there.  After sufficiently freaking out over that, we got a tour of Tim's office, and, after leaving him, Dan and I went to the top of the Empire State Building.  Now, I can't say that I was totally comfortable being up there given my fear of heights, but damn, is that a great view!  Also, it was freezing up there.

After destroying our pasta

I mean… #homemadegnocchi #mymouthiswateringjustthinkingaboutit

Not a terrible view

And so, we returned to DC, completely exhausted, but also totally happy.  So thank God we had a holiday on Monday {followed by a snow day - with some snow this time!!!!!!!!!!! - on Tuesday}.  New York, you've beaten me again.  One day, I'll beat you!  For now, DC is just my speed :-)

Changing Up the Routine

So, over the past few months, I have felt like my body has stopped responding the way it has in the past to my daily 6-mile runs and mostly healthy eating {with the exception of that killer sweet tooth}.  I think it's time to trick my body, whether it's by doing more intervals at the gym {which will not only fool my metabolism but will also make me a better runner}, lifting more weights {the worst, but a necessary evil}, and trying desperately to cut down on my sugar intake.

I have been gradually adding intervals in to my workout over the past month or so, and let me tell you, those workouts are exhausting! I did a 6-mile interval run this morning where I kicked up the pace every mile for 1/4-mile, and it felt REALLY good.  Next, I know I need to start adding in more cross-training, both to avoid all of my pesky running injuries and, again, trick my body, while also adding strength.  I have been pinning easy at-home workouts on Pinterest, so now it's about consolidating all of them.  I'm thinking that, on my off-days from running {maybe 2x/week?}, I would like to do some combination of: rowing {well, using the erg in our gym}, sprints outside, spin bike, and lifting with light free weights.  Hopefully, this change in routine will be something that my body responds to.

On the food side, I have decided {so now you all have to hold me to this} to give up sweets after Valentine's Day and until the end of Lent, so we're talking slightly more than two months without the hard stuff.  I think this will be a necessary way to cleanse my body, especially as I'm heading into a race season.  Another goal of mine has been to take my time when I eat.  I know that I will get full faster if I take my time and chew my food, perhaps pausing for a few more sips of water throughout the meal.  It isn't a race to see who can finish!  Lastly, I noticed a few weeks ago that my fridge was depressingly devoid of fruits and veggies for snacking {which only makes me reach for baked goods more when I want a snack}.  I have been stocking up on those things so that, when I am snacking during the day, it's at least healthy snacking.

I was also just reading a great Cup of Jo post where she linked a Michael Pollan video.  He is essentially arguing that you can eat the things you like, as long as they're homemade, rather than made by a corporation.  I would love to hear what all of you think about that statement, because I'm on the fence about it.  On the one hand, I absolutely agree that it is better to eat home-cooked food than restaurant- or corporation-processed foods, but, as my baking habit proves, I am still getting the bad stuff, even though I am making it myself {however much I do sub in better-for-me ingredients}.

We'll see how this little experiment goes! I promise to post about the weekend soon!

On My Mind: The Grad School Journey

Hello friends! I hope you're all having a delightful Friday {seriously, I thought it would never get here}! I wanted to share a few things that have been on my mind lately in relation to the impending grad school journey.  I am currently a ball of nervous energy when it comes to the whole move, with questions and extraneous thoughts like {see below} running through my head:

Questions:

• Where will be moving next year {this part is still very much up in the air}?
• When will we be moving {this relates to summer travel, so knowing which airport to book tickets from will be helpful}?
• Will I be able to get a new job easily? And will it be a job that fits with my career goals?
• What will it look like on a daily basis to be an MBA partner?
• How easy will it be to make friends? As an aside, MBA programs are great in that nearly all of them have a partner and spouse club, so, since I won't be a student in the program, this will likely be my network.
• To what extent will I feel included in Dan's journey? I have heard that MBAs try to involve partners in as much as possible, but I obviously haven't seen this put into practice yet.
• Will Dan do a good job of prioritizing our relationship? We have had conversations about this, and, while he assures me that our relationship will be a priority, we are not yet in the middle of the process, so I am nervous.  I was reading some articles last night that suggested some helpful tips for navigating the MBA process as a couple.  On the other end of this, I need to remember not to make this all about me.  While the feminist in me may hate it, I am going to be in a complete support role for the next few years, and I am just going to swallow that pill.  Dan has assured me that he will follow me whenever I go to grad school, so I will have my time to make it about me and my dreams later on.
• Will the experience make me feel isolated? I know that I will have to call on my reserve of self-sufficiency over the next few years - I know that and am prepared for it going in. I know that there are going to be lots of demands on Dan's time that don't involve me, so it's all about how I manage those expectations.

General Thoughts:

• Leaving DC is going to be hard.  I have eight years of memories from living in this place, so I am trying to use the next few months to soak in as much as possible.
• It is going to be indescribably painful to leave family and friends. As much as both of us are ready for a new adventure, I can't help but think that this is the first part of the rest of my life. I will eventually get used to not living near my family and certain close friends, but I know it will take awhile for that to sink in. Similar to my favorite DC locales, I am trying to soak up as much time as possible with those I care about.
• I feel very vulnerable. I am so excited for this adventure that will begin the next chapter of our lives together, but there are so many question marks.  I am taking a huge leap, and I am not usually a person who leaps! I worry about how quickly I will find a job {and, thus, how long I will be without an income, and also whether that job will be a good fit for me}, how much I'll really get to see of Dan over those few years, how I will handle the loneliness.  There is also the big question of when we will get engaged.  One of my biggest doubts about this move is doing so without a ring on my finger, so I hope that that is something we will continue to have open conversations about over the next few months.
• In summary, I am not a person who deals well with change and uncertainty.  This MBA journey is one big ball of uncertainty.  So the best I can do now is to stay busy {which should be easy, given that work will get incredibly busy again in a few weeks} and soak up time with family and friends.  At the end of the day, I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend who wants me to be a part of this process, and, at the end of the day, this move is an investment in our future.

I know that was a lot, but that is really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what is flowing through my mind right now.  I know I will write more over the next few months about how I am feeling about these questions, and whether or not I have experienced any great epiphanies.  

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! We are doing a quick trip up to New York so I can cash in on my Christmas present from Dan, tickets to see Wicked!!!! I couldn't be more excited, because I have been wanting to see this play for YEARS. Literally, YEARS.  We're doing a nice little birthday celebration on Monday as well for my Mom, which will be nice.  Although she hates celebrating her birthday {she and Dan are alike in that sense}, I'm bursting  with birthday cheer, so she will celebrate it whether she likes it or not :-)

So That Happened: Polar Vortex

I'm not really sure what has been going on in the weather-sphere lately, but the past few days have been bananas.  We got some snow on Thursday night/Friday morning, which warmed my little New England heart, and then it was pretty normal chilly {but not crazily so} winter weather over the weekend and on Monday.  Flash forward to yesterday and it feels like -1 {although it could have been colder at some points}.  Ummm…

I truly looked like a freak show yesterday on my walk to work {Dan obviously scolded me for walking, but I explained him that I needed to stop at the grocery store to pick up dinner, because really, who likes going to the grocery store after work?! Not this girl}: picture a marshmallow-like creature waddling down the street, wearing fleece socks under her boots, a heavy Irish sweater {which, although warm as all get out, and, thus, incredibly practical for that day, slightly resembles a muumuu} under her down coat, a hat on under her hood, two pairs of gloves and a rosy-red nose buried in a scarf.  That was me in a nutshell.  And I was still cold {however, I will say that the Irish sweater was my best call of the day}.

It is again quite chilly today {it was 4 degrees when I watched the news at the gym this morning}, and will get up to the high 50s by the weekend.  SAY WHAT?!??? Get it together, D.C., and figure out whether you want it to be winter or spring!!! You're worse than a post-New Year's yo-yo dieter! Make up your mind and commit either way!

That was a convenient little segue to the fact that, as someone who exercises approximately 360 days a year, I HATE the post-New Year gym rush.  There are only 5 treadmills in our 20-floor building, and you can only imagine the death glares I give to the resolutioners who take one of those precious treadmills at 5 a.m.  Seriously people, get out.  K thanks.

In other news, we watched Jim Gaffigan's "Mr. Universe" on Netflix last night, and seriously, people, tears were rolling down my face from how hard I was laughing, and I was on the verge of getting sick to my stomach.  Truly hilarious stuff {and from a Georgetown grad to boot!}, and I found it so refreshing to watch an improv act that was not completely lewd the entire time.  So now we're all pumped up to see him live this weekend!

Happy Wednesday, friends! Stay warm wherever you are!!!

An Ode to 2014

Even though I apparently never blog anymore, I thought I couldn't avoid doing a 2013 wrap-up post.  This is mostly because I have so much gratitude for the year that was 2013.

Some personal highlights for me:

• Getting a new job: it is a well-known fact, for those of you who are long-time readers, that I was miserable and felt under appreciated at my old job.  I spent much of the first half of this year actively seeking out new opportunities, which eventually led me to where I am today, in a job that I love.  While I'm kicking myself for not leaving my old job a year earlier, the important thing is that I now feel appreciated for the work that I am doing and find that work to be very gratifying.
• Seeing a bevy of friends and family say "I do": 2013 was truly our year of weddings {4 total!}, three sets of friends and one set of family members.  There is nothing more beautiful than watching a couple profess their love for one another and make a lifelong commitment to each other, so I felt so fortunate to be there to witness that. I was also honored to be a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding. We have a few coming up in 2014, so I'm thinking that this will be the story of our lives for the next few years.
• Traveling: 2013 brought lots of fun travel for me: several trips to Pittsburgh, a long weekend in Chicago, a highly-anticipated trip to the Lake, several trips to New York, work travel to Texas, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Missouri, Massachusetts and Connecticut, as well as day trips in the DC area.  I felt very lucky to be able to experience so many new things.
• Running a marathon: I first had the half-hatched idea to run a marathon when I was abroad {although this was most likely the pastry-induced weight-gain speaking}, and finally bit the bullet thanks to a friend and signed up for the Rock 'n Roll Marathon.  The training was grueling and there were certainly times when I doubted that it would be worth it in the end, but I can't put into words how thrilling it was to cross the finish line.  Other than a brief mental breakdown at mile 21, which I quelled with M&Ms and Shot Blocks, I felt fantastic and enjoyed every minute of it.  I would not have been able to do it without the support of friends, family and Dan, both throughout my training and on race day.  Fingers crossed that I can do another one either this year or next, but, in the very least, I have the Nike Women's Half and the Cherry Blossom Ten-Miler coming up in April!
• Moving in with Dan: 2013 was really a special year for Dan and I, and I am now convinced that moving in together was one of the best decisions we have made.  When I have a tough day at work, the thing that keeps me going is knowing that I get to come home to him at the end of the day.  I almost don't remember what it felt like to live out of a suitcase and shuttle between our respective apartments! It brings me the greatest joy to wake up and fall asleep next to him every day. We definitely had our share of tough conversations this year, and had to be real with each other about where we saw our relationship going given Dan's impending grad school plans.  Luckily, we were on the same page about that one :)  We are excited to {probably} be moving to Ann Arbor in the fall {although Chicago may still be an option}, and I can't wait to begin that journey together.

I am all for making realistic expectations, so don't expect any weight-loss resolutions for me.  However, in thinking about how I want my last few months in DC to go, I decided upon the following resolution, inspired by Sheryl Sandberg: don't leave before you've left.  She talks about it in the context of professional women of childbearing age, of not stepping away from professional opportunities before you are ready to have a family {regardless of whether or not you plan to continue working after having children}.  How does this apply to me? Well, I am determined not to use the fact that we are moving as a crutch that prevents me from taking advantage of my last few months in this wonderful city.  So friends, hold me to that, will ya?!

A happy and healthy 2014 to all of you!